- me: do you know what cannibalism is?
- my boss: yes, gross. why?
- me: do you know what necrophilia is?
- my boss: sick. why are you asking me this crap?
- me: i was just wondering if eating out a dead chick would be cannibalism or necrophilia.
- my boss: there is something wrong with you.
“You’re allowed to believe in a god. You’re allowed to believe unicorns live in your shoes for all I care. But the day you start telling me how to wear my shoes so I don’t upset the unicorns, I have a problem with you. The day you start involving the unicorns in making decisions for this country.. I have a BIG problem with you.” —Matthew Schultz (via theperplexedobserver)
“You are a punctuation mark in the novel of existence. Without your seeming insignificance, there might be a hideous grammatical error on page 304. Stay tough little question mark, we still need you.” —Joey Malvagita